The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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