Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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