So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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