we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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