I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
