I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
