actually, I'm a sock model
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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