I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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