Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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