T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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