i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
