he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
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you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize