dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
