big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
