he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
