We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
