I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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