So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
