She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
