Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.