I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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