what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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