last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
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One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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