brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
now i know why i became what i already was.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
