Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
