Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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