he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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