i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
