I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
