rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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