Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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