Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
