Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
