Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
