So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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