Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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