I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
