I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
