no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
