how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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