Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
