Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
