she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
