i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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