Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
