You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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