everyone is single if you try hard enough
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
