I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
