I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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