Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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