I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
