ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
