There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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