3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
