i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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