Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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