I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
