he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
