In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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