Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
