just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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