So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
