Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
