i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
