So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize