you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
