is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
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I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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