Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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