Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
