I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
