You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
