I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
