When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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