I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you will always have a special place in my vag
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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