Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
