If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and she was petting her beer can
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
