I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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