I can text with my tongue
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
