it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I could fuck to npr.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
