you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
