But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
